Why Do Children Lie (Part Two) Copied

How Lying Evolves

From about age 4 on, children lie for many of the same reasons adults do: to avoid punishment, to gain an advantage, to protect against an unwanted consequence, and even to boost self-esteem. Youngsters, like adults, sometimes lie to demonstrate power, to maintain privacy, or to protect a friend. When a child lies, she is essentially trying to change a situation, to reconstruct things the way she wants them to be.

There is a developmental progression to lying. At the first level, the child wants to achieve some goal or reward by saying something that she knows or believes to be false. Her intention may be to affect the listener's behaviour — to avoid punishment or receive a reward, for example.

Consider the following study: A number of 2- and 3-year-old children were seated in an empty room and told not to peek at a toy placed on table behind them. The researcher left and returned to the room five minutes later. Ninety percent of the children looked at the toy, and the majority — about two-thirds — concealed their peeking. One-third lied outright, saying they did not peek, while the other third did not answer the question, pretending not to hear it.

At this age, wishes and imagination often get in the way of what is real. Sometimes a 3 year old will start to tell a story, and you will hear it get out of hand, as he adds bits and pieces to fit the ideas in his head. Lies at this age might succeed, but 3 year olds are generally poor liars because they fail to lie appropriately. They do not consider that their listener will actually think about either the statement or their intention.

By age 4 or 5, children understand the effects of a false message on a listener's mind, recognizing that the listener will interpret and evaluate a statement in the light of their existing knowledge. But they still have trouble knowing whether a listener thinks a statement is true. As one 5 year old said, "You should never tell a lie because the brains inside grown-ups' heads are so smart they always find out."

An even more sophisticated level of lying emerges between the ages of 6 and 8. Children can now understand something like, "John wants his mother to think he feels bad about Grandma not coming to visit." At this stage, it's not just the content of the lie, but the motive or attitude of the speaker that can be doubted, as well.

Looking ahead to ages 10 and 11, most children become able liars. The big difference at this stage is that parents and teachers are no longer seduced by the sound of a child's voice, the innocent look on her face, or an outlandish alibi.

To Be Continued…

Why Do Children Lie (Part One) Copied

Three-year-old Sally was playing happily in the kitchen while her mother cleaned up the dinner dishes. As Sally's mom turned to collect another plate from the table, she noticed a puddle on the floor under Sally's feet. "Sally, honey, did you wet your pants?" Sally shook her head and said, "My shoes did it." 

Clearly, Sally has told her mother a lie. Like most parents, you might feel shocked — angry, hurt, or even betrayed — when you first discover your child has lied. But if you can step back and view lying as a part of your child's emotional and intellectual development, you will find that telling lies doesn't condemn your child to a life of betrayal or serious behaviour problems. In fact, recent research has shown that lying plays a positive role in normal development. Essential human skills — independence, perspective taking, and emotional control — are the same skills that enable children to lie.

Conventional wisdom long held that young children were not capable of lying. More recent research, however, has found that most children learn to lie effectively between the ages of 2 and 4. The first successful lie can be pegged as a developmental achievement because it marks the child's discovery that her mind and thinking are separate from her parents'. This same understanding is marked by the discovery of the word no, which helps young children delineate the boundaries between their own desires, thoughts, and feelings, and those of others.

Like everything else, children learn to lie from the people around them. Parents and teachers show children in subtle — and not so subtle — ways to suppress their honesty. "Look at that funny man," a child will yell. "I don't like this," she'll say of Grandma's gift. "Yuck," he says about food that doesn't taste good. Adults slowly teach children that this kind of honesty is not always welcome —that there is a fine line between telling the truth and not hurting other people. Children also observe active lying by the adults in their lives. (One research study found that adults admit to lying an average of 13 times a week!) We all tell lies of convenience, and our children watch and learn — but not always so literally.

To Be Continued...

Holidays… a Blessing or a Curse?

On my way out from the house this morning, I saw some children who should be in school by the road side gambling. They were playing table tennis on a bench of about 9 feet by 3 feet, using stone to support a plywood that serves as net. They were betting on who will win or lose and all of a sudden a fight broke out…

Holidays… a blessing or a curse? These are children who should be in school but where allowed or I’d rather say forced by the system to be on “break” or to rest and get back to school at some other time. The question now is – the purpose of holidays, are they being achieved?

Pressure on the women folk to be free and join (many has overtaken) the men in earning for the family has eroded the basic principles upon which families were originally built. There is now no one to look into or monitor what children do during their holidays.

Many parents and schools further deny these children their supposed holidays by organising summer coaching programmes which most parents gladly go and dump their children so they can rush off to their businesses or work places.

For most parents, holidays are the most horrible time. Their performance in their work place drops, they report late to their work places or take unnecessary excuses sometimes to look after their children. Those who are in business, their businesses suffer.

Now the question again is – holidays… is it a blessing or a curse? Should we continue to have holidays so that these children whom their parents cannot afford to “dump” their children in summer coaching programme can go about gambling (or learn how to), smoking (or learn how to), womanising, (or learn how to) or learn one terrible thing or the other all in the guise of “holidaying”. Our girls will go about to gossip or goof off their time making virtual boyfriends and girlfriends on the social networks and learning some more horrible things, things they may not have learnt if they were in school.

My thought…

Why don’t we scrap holidays and instead of 6 years of primary or secondary school, make it 4 years of non-stop learning and the remaining 2 years be converted to practical real-life skill acquisition time. These children can learn carpentry, bead making, sewing, hairdressing, etc.

Your thoughts…

Please make you views known by leaving a comment below. 

Wisdom For Married Man: 3 Master Keys To Win The Heart Of Your Wife

1.  PROTECT her like a daughter.

You are to protect and defend her from all danger including the household enemies who don't like her face. If she is afraid either because of one small rat in your bedroom :) or anything, be there to protect her. Kill the rat>:O! Stop asking her why she is acting like a baby because she is your baby :) Never leave a room in her heart to miss her daddy again or one guy who used to be there for her before she met you :(. 

Never take your wife for granted before your family! If she is not comfortable about someone that is living with you guys, please let the person go first! Help your wife to live long. Be a man! Regard her Importance in the home! She must not be treated anyhow so that your prayers won't be hindered! Don't let anyone put asunder between u & your wife. Her proper place must be given to her! She's the second in command at home. No one is permitted to take her place. She's the first lady, your darling, sweetheart and mother of the family. So protect her from any attack and you will get the best out of her :)

2.  LOVE her like a wife:

Love is a total commitment to the wellbeing of your wife. Always say "I Love You" every day to her! Say it! Don't say it is in your heart>:O! She prefers to hear it! If it is truly in your heart, it will come out through your mouth for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Let her feel your affection! Always say "I Value You"! This will make her not to live in fear and depression and she will give you all her support! Give her assurance of lasting love and you will enjoy everything she is endowed with. Don't abuse her! Let her express her feeling! Don't over labour her emotionally or physically! Be gentle& tender with her! Meet her sexual need even if she wants it three times daily give it to her ;)

3.  RESPECT her like a mother:

Don't despise her! Don't shout on her! Don't abuse her. Don't rape her. Don't beat her. Learn to listen to her counsel and your home will be blissful.

By Pst Samuel Olagbenjo

Gratitude...?

Imagine a man who has been sentenced to solitary confinement for many months or years.

Each day he sits completely alone in a small, dark, concrete cell. His only company his thoughts. His only food is stale bread and murky water.

Now imagine a woman who lives alone with her two children. At her work they've moved her from full-time to part-time. She can no longer afford her house payment, so she's forced to move to an apartment. The woman is miserable about this change her sadness is felt profoundly by her children, as well as her friends and co-workers.

To the prisoner, the thought of living outside the jail is an outrageous fantasy. He'd quiver with joy just to be released from solitary! Imagine how joyful he'd be if he was freed from prison all together, and have an apartment of his own -- on the "outside".

People around you now live in life-situations that are much better, or much worse than yours. Your life-situation can, at any time, change -- and get much better or much worse than it currently is.

Your best bet is to simply feel gratitude for what you have now.

GRATITUDE for what you have is an important part of your happiness.

LEARNING GRATITUDE

Think about the incredible abundance you have right now. Think about all that you have, that other people don't have.

Be thankful for the abundance you have.

Imagine you and I

Why do we form a relationship, connect, cooperate, associate, get on? Why don’t we just stay on our own and not have friends, siblings, parents, relatives, etc.? Why must we depend on others to survive even when we have ‘the whole world’?

There is a reason for everything, whether we know it or not. We meet for a reason. Every relationship has its reason. Some are for the present, others for the future.

The education system provides good breeding ground for different kinds of relationships; so for good some for bad. They can never be avoided. No matter how bad a relationship is, there is always a positive to come out of it. It takes intelligence and willingness to learn to see the good.

During my secondary school days, we formed a small group with the sole purpose of winning election into school prefect positions. I learnt a lot from that small group. We had a simple agreement on “power sharing formula” – contest this time, I will support you, you will step aside for me next election. It seemed perfect when it was made. We all agreed. We all signed. We all supported. But when the stepping aside time came, you could guess what happened.

From that little interaction we had, way back in our secondary school days, it was obvious who to trust and why. We give up so much for so little every day. We don’t understand how our little actions build lasting memories in other people’s mind. We create who we are, not who we say we are with our actions. The way we relate with people.

I read this story from a friend’s Facebook wall:

“An old man saw a drowning scorpion and decided to save it. Each time the man tried to pick the scorpion up, the scorpion will sting the old man.  It didn’t stop the man from trying to help the scorpion. He continued to attempt to pick up the scorpion and the scorpion would do the same. A young boy who was observing told the old man to let the scorpion be since it would not stop to sting, but the old man replied the boy: ‘it is in the scorpion’s nature to sting and it’s in my nature to save it’. Then the man used a leaf to pick up the scorpion to safety. 

Most times we think our relationships are not working out, we may have misdiagnosed. Maybe we have been the scorpions or we have not tried enough to save the scorpion despite the stinging. Maybe we have been assuming wrongly, maybe we have not said the right words yet, maybe we still nurture the wound from a previous sting, maybe we have been not sticking around long enough. How far are you willing to go to ensure that it works, how strong are you willing to push?

In the university people form relationships without knowing why they did. Relationships are avenues for others to learn about us, who we are, what we capable of, stuff we are made of, etc. These, when know shapes where we fit into their future. If we present ourselves right we will eventual be put to use. It may be immediate, it may take a while, but it surely will come only if we learned enough or we let them learn us enough. Some of these relationships end in marriage, some in lucrative job/contract recommendations, some political appointments, others business partnerships, and so on.

Who or what are you showing yourself to be, a Casanova? a counsellor? a trustworthy financial administrator? Do you make extra effort to make impact in a relationship? Will you be missed by the people that know you when you leave? Or are you just occupying space? Are you are builder or destroyer? There are some of us that cannot be trusted anymore when money is involved. There are those of us who cannot be trusted if teamwork is required. There are still those that cannot be trusted if keeping secrets is a prerequisite.

If there are no mad people, we will never know we are sane. If there are no children, we will never know that we are adults. If there are no poor people, we will never know we are rich. If there are no sick people, we would not appreciate how good it feels to be healthy.

In the final analysis, I need you, you need me. We all need each other to survive. Let’s make it work. Let’s relate!!!