How Lying
Evolves
From about age
4 on, children lie for many of the same reasons adults do: to avoid punishment,
to gain an advantage, to protect against an unwanted consequence, and even to
boost self-esteem. Youngsters, like adults, sometimes lie to demonstrate power,
to maintain privacy, or to protect a friend. When a child lies, she is
essentially trying to change a situation, to reconstruct things the way she
wants them to be.
There is a
developmental progression to lying. At the first level, the child wants to
achieve some goal or reward by saying something that she knows or believes to
be false. Her intention may be to affect the listener's behaviour — to avoid
punishment or receive a reward, for example.
Consider the
following study: A number of 2- and 3-year-old children were seated in an empty
room and told not to peek at a toy placed on table behind them. The researcher
left and returned to the room five minutes later. Ninety percent of the
children looked at the toy, and the majority — about two-thirds — concealed
their peeking. One-third lied outright, saying they did not peek, while the
other third did not answer the question, pretending not to hear it.
At this age,
wishes and imagination often get in the way of what is real. Sometimes a 3 year
old will start to tell a story, and you will hear it get out of hand, as he
adds bits and pieces to fit the ideas in his head. Lies at this age might
succeed, but 3 year olds are generally poor liars because they fail to lie
appropriately. They do not consider that their listener will actually think
about either the statement or their intention.
By age 4 or 5,
children understand the effects of a false message on a listener's mind,
recognizing that the listener will interpret and evaluate a statement in the light
of their existing knowledge. But they still have trouble knowing whether a
listener thinks a statement is true. As one 5 year old said, "You should
never tell a lie because the brains inside grown-ups' heads are so smart they
always find out."
An even more
sophisticated level of lying emerges between the ages of 6 and 8. Children can
now understand something like, "John wants his mother to think he feels
bad about Grandma not coming to visit." At this stage, it's not just the
content of the lie, but the motive or attitude of the speaker that can be
doubted, as well.
Looking ahead
to ages 10 and 11, most children become able liars. The big difference at this
stage is that parents and teachers are no longer seduced by the sound of a
child's voice, the innocent look on her face, or an outlandish alibi.
To Be Continued…
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